| So here we are again |
[Nov. 20th, 2005|05:38 pm] |
Almost exactly a year ago, I was here, posting that he was pulling away. It's happening again. I tell him I need a little more from him...a little more showing of love and caring on his part, and somehow that makes me completely unreasonable. This trip is the first time in a long time we haven't talked every day. Even when he called to leave a message that he got there, the tone of his voice...it was horrid. It was a far from subtle mocking--mocking me for asking him to call. Then nothing. Not even a text message today to tell me what time their flight gets in so I know when to pick them up. Nice.
I don't know what to do. I can't keep having the same conversation with him, where he blames everything on me and refuses to examine what he's contributing (or not) to the situation. I feel like giving up, and this is far from how I should feel when I'm about to start my life with him. I wonder if I'm making a huge mistake.
I wish I knew what to do. I wish the ground would swallow me up so I didn't have to deal with it. I wish I hadn't cried myself to sleep last night. I wish he cared that I hurt so much when he acts like this. |
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| I knew it |
[Nov. 30th, 2004|09:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  melancholy | ] |
It only took 6 weeks for him to decide I wasn't worth his time. He's pulling away now, I can feel it. I bet he breaks things off before we leave for break. He's ignoring me tonight. I wonder if he thought I wouldn't notice that he took his things with him before he left this morning. He never does that anymore. He won't stay here tonight, I'm sure...and I'm sure he won't tell me he doesn't want to stay here tonight until nearly midnight. In fact, I bet he'll remain completely incommunicado until then. And he accuses me of always seeing the worst in him. Well, fine, here's a chance for him to prove me wrong.
Everything is awful. I feel like hell and can't stand the sight of myself in the mirror. I'm too stupid to be here and everyone knows it. It's too bad I'm wasting my own money like this. So much money. So much time. |
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| New research |
[Oct. 5th, 2004|07:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  discontent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Benedictine Chant | ] |
Post-its, when used in conjunction with telephones, cause cancer. It's a very rare form that is completely benign and manageable, though chronic. It is primarily managed through consumption of left-handed sugar and dihydrogenated oxygen. |
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darkdarcy's journal